0 of 3 people found the following review helpful: (5 stars) Bullitt dvd, August 3, 2006 By Roger D. Goff (Louisville KY) - See all my reviews
Just added to my dvd collection. One of my favorite "guy/car" movies. also purchased " Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry" & Vanishing Point".
Comment | Was this review helpful to you? (Report this) <br>"Just had a French Dip . . . Gonna watch the news before turning in. 'Night now."
Mabel Dodge
31st July 2007 - 09:20 AM
That is soo her husband.
I have yet to find an IMDB reveiw that hasn't had to have a post deleted by an admin. It's something of a quest of mine now, to find a review without any rudeness toward other posters and no deleted posts.
bijoux
31st July 2007 - 09:32 AM
QUOTE (Mabel Dodge+Jul 31 2007, 07:20 PM) That is soo her husband.
I have yet to find an IMDB reveiw that hasn't had to have a post deleted by an admin. It's something of a quest of mine now, to find a review without any rudeness toward other posters and no deleted posts. That's a life's work.
Flahdagal
31st July 2007 - 10:52 AM
QUOTE (Mike-El+Jul 31 2007, 12:57 PM) - This labored "sarcastic" follow-up isn't much better. Bite me in my labored response. Meanwhile -- when I was a new mom I lived and died by product reviews. Baby gear is expensive and comes with pitfalls you'd never dream of. When one baby gets pinched by product X, yeah, it happens. When ten moms write in to say their baby was pinched in the same way, time to avoid product X. I even got a free baby swing motor from Babies R Us because I found out from product reviews that the company was offering replacements. We recently purchased a new washer/dryer pair. There is an entire world of people out there that make laundry their lives. Disturbing -- yet -- a wealth of knowledge.
skittlebrau
31st July 2007 - 11:05 AM
QUOTE (Joe Don Faker+Jul 31 2007, 12:42 PM) Okay, one of my favorite internet activities is reading customer comments. From Amazon customer reviews, to those on Epinions, to the wild and woolly world of the IMDb . . . Oh, thank God. I thought it was just me. I think it was on this board (somewheres) that linked to the product review page at Amazon for some horrible cd of cover love songs by a couple that met on a British reality show? If anyone has that link, it totally needs to live forever in this thread. Meantime, this is one of the most entertaining IMDb reviews I've read in a long time, and remains my favorite. It's for the 1986 TV version of Babes in Toyland with Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore which I shamefully own on VHS. | QUOTE | 3 out of 7 people found the following comment useful :- THIS IS A WARNING, 9 August 2000 Author: sign_of_the_angel from Texas
Whenever someone gives you, the parent of a child under 10, a video, check to make sure that it isn't this movie. If someone does give you "Babes in Toyland", there are only a few explanations:
1. They meant to give you another version of it--there are several, and all of them are better than this one.
2. They meant to give you another movie altogether and accidentally picked this one up.
3. It made its own way into a batch of tapes to be delivered, so it's not their fault.
4. They were misinformed about its quality.
5. They secretly hate your guts and want to torture you.
Conversely, if you know some parents of small children whose guts you hate, just give them a copy of this movie. You'll be giving your feelings towards them away, but they'll be stuck watching this movie for years on end.
Children love this movie. They LOVE this movie. But it's so very, very bad that after just one or two viewings you will have fantasies of tracking down the cast and crew and demanding compensation, at which they will get down on their knees and beg your forgiveness for their involvement in this hideous torture.
It really is that bad. The story is ludicrous. The "music" is excruciating (especially the "Cincinnati" song). The writing is beyond awful. The direction isn't even imaginatively bad (anyone could do as well, probably better). The costumes and sets are so bad they aren't even funny: you can see the zippers in the bear costumes--hilarious, no?
With all of this working against them, I almost feel sorry for the actors. Sure, they're bad, but there was no way they could be any good at all in this movie. You alternate between pity for them and anger at them for their participation in it. I just hope they needed the money or the credit or something.
And it lasts FOREVER. Most kids' movies only last an hour or so; this one goes on and on and on and on and on....
The fanatical devotion that it inspires in children is frightening. Kids have no taste; this is the proof. To be avoided at all costs.
<br>As a sidenote, this was something Drew did right before she checked into rehab or whatever at age 13, so she is high through almost the entire production (and Keanu Reeves sings several musical numbers) which was enough of a trainwreck for me to want to own it on home video.
Magpie
31st July 2007 - 11:31 AM
Is the thread in which to discuss that impossibly prolific Amazon reviewer Harriet Klausner? Harriet gets reviewed by the skeptics
elle
31st July 2007 - 12:08 PM
I know it's 7 years old, but this is my favorite Amazon review, ever. The Story About Ping (aka Ping the Duck) QUOTE 8,542 of 8,811 people found the following review helpful: Ping! I love that duck!, January 26, 2000 By John E. Fracisco (El Segundo, CA USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Story about Ping (Hardcover) PING! The magic duck! Using deft allegory, the authors have provided an insightful and intuitive explanation of one of Unix's most venerable networking utilities. Even more stunning is that they were clearly working with a very early beta of the program, as their book first appeared in 1933, years (decades!) before the operating system and network infrastructure were finalized.
The book describes networking in terms even a child could understand, choosing to anthropomorphize the underlying packet structure. The ping packet is described as a duck, who, with other packets (more ducks), spends a certain period of time on the host machine (the wise-eyed boat). At the same time each day (I suspect this is scheduled under cron), the little packets (ducks) exit the host (boat) by way of a bridge (a bridge). From the bridge, the packets travel onto the internet (here embodied by the Yangtze River).
The title character -- er, packet, is called Ping. Ping meanders around the river before being received by another host (another boat). He spends a brief time on the other boat, but eventually returns to his original host machine (the wise-eyed boat) somewhat the worse for wear.
If you need a good, high-level overview of the ping utility, this is the book. I can't recommend it for most managers, as the technical aspects may be too overwhelming and the basic concepts too daunting.
Problems With This Book
As good as it is, The Story About Ping is not without its faults. There is no index, and though the ping(8) man pages cover the command line options well enough, some review of them seems to be in order. Likewise, in a book solely about Ping, I would have expected a more detailed overview of the ICMP packet structure.
But even with these problems, The Story About Ping has earned a place on my bookshelf, right between Stevens' Advanced Programming in the Unix Environment, and my dog-eared copy of Dante's seminal work on MS Windows, Inferno. Who can read that passage on the Windows API ("Obscure, profound it was, and nebulous, So that by fixing on its depths my sight -- Nothing whatever I discerned therein."), without shaking their head with deep understanding. But I digress.
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Rex Dart
31st July 2007 - 12:20 PM
"Family Circus" Amazon reviews for the win.QUOTE Several people have expressed negative opinions regarding "The Family Circus," finding it boring and irrelevant. Perhaps. But then, is a zen garden also irrelevant because it does not "entertain" us? Is it boring because every day it conatins the same rock, the same pebbles, the same koi pond? It is not. Like the zen garden, "The Family Circus" provides a sense of tranquility through familiarity, while tantalizing the spirit with very slight variations in theme. As go the gently swirling patterns in the stones, so goes Billy's path through the neighborhood. Like the garden, his seemingly random path leads to an ultimate and undeniable destination. The path does not lead to an answer--it IS the answer. Dolly's malapropisms and other language errors serve as a parable illustrating that when there is true understanding, language is unneccesary. This is a more dynamic and timely example than the familiar story of the two samurai who meet at opposite ends of a bridge wide enough only for one. Ida Know and Not Me are clearly pure zen creatures. They are graphic depictions of one of the basic questions of zen: "When water goes down the drain, does it circle clockwise or anticlockwise?" The zen master will respond only by twirling a finger in the air, first one way then the other, indicating in one action two truths: The water flows the way it flows; direction is not important so long as the water goes down the drain. When Mother (representing the yin of the zen master) asks, "Who broke this lamp?" the answer of "Ida Know" or "Not Me" reveals the enlightened answer. Truth is not "who broke the lamp," but accepting that the lamp is broken and dealing with that reality. <!--QuoteBegin--> QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | Several people have expressed negative opinions regarding "The Family Circus," finding it boring and irrelevant. Perhaps. But then, is a zen garden also irrelevant because it does not "entertain" us? Is it boring because every day it conatins the same rock, the same pebbles, the same koi pond? It is not. Like the zen garden, "The Family Circus" provides a sense of tranquility through familiarity, while tantalizing the spirit with very slight variations in theme. As go the gently swirling patterns in the stones, so goes Billy's path through the neighborhood. Like the garden, his seemingly random path leads to an ultimate and undeniable destination. The path does not lead to an answer--it IS the answer. Dolly's malapropisms and other language errors serve as a parable illustrating that when there is true understanding, language is unneccesary. This is a more dynamic and timely example than the familiar story of the two samurai who meet at opposite ends of a bridge wide enough only for one. Ida Know and Not Me are clearly pure zen creatures. They are graphic depictions of one of the basic questions of zen: "When water goes down the drain, does it circle clockwise or anticlockwise?" The zen master will respond only by twirling a finger in the air, first one way then the other, indicating in one action two truths: The water flows the way it flows; direction is not important so long as the water goes down the drain. When Mother (representing the yin of the zen master) asks, "Who broke this lamp?" the answer of "Ida Know" or "Not Me" reveals the enlightened answer. Truth is not "who broke the lamp," but accepting that the lamp is broken and dealing with that reality. <!--QuoteBegin)Much of the hilarity of the art focuses on verbal malapropisms - Keane's evident message here is that the divine Word or 'logos' is perverted or not fully understood by these beings who are fully children in the temporal and spirital sense. Yet on other occasions, the children show wisdom beyond their years, whether in grasping an important ethical or moral principle, or in mastering technology or understanding of popular cultural totems which figuratively elude the parental figures. Hence, hope is offered that the spritual journey will lead to the twin boons of salvation and knowledge. This is all leavened with a purely unique conceptualization of the afterlife, where deceased relatives observe the living, and occasionally appear as visions or effectors of change or protection on the family. Clearly, Keane is adopting the mythic and animist ancestral veneration tradition (with a touch of the filial piety unique to Confucianism) with the additional argument that the acts of past masters and ascendant sages prefigure the spritual journey all must make. Highly recommended. Indeed, I have added several of these volumes to my various syllabi at the University.
Crazy Ivan
31st July 2007 - 12:21 PM
This is quite an interesting review: QUOTE Customer Review 0 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
Is Moon 168 the battlestar Galactica? Thank you Lord, May 22, 2007 Reviewer: Brad Morgan
Battlestar Galactica the Complete epic series is important. Bradamawes Daughter played by Mauren Jensen is rarely mentioned by the critics. In my Pantheon of the Gods just like Agamemnon corresponds to Zeus, I correspond to the God who See and my Daughter Corresponds to Snipe his daughter who said moon 168 readback See tin me lead. I once said to America I was using bad grammar to prove I wasnt a robot so dont be scared by that moon 168 readback. I have confirmed that the Kennedy Family has found favor with the Whirly Lizards mentioned by the NRO. I particularly liked the friendships between the Galactica crewmembers. As for what has been happening around the globe with warfare JuliaAthena and I say Lord help us they trusted us to protect them. I invoke Freedom of speech as a Kennedy Family member of the American Shadow Government so that this review crucial to Humanitys survival is not deleted. Support Amazon.com
Was this review helpful to you? YesNo (Report this) <br>And a few comments on it: QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | Customer Review 0 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
Is Moon 168 the battlestar Galactica? Thank you Lord, May 22, 2007 Reviewer: Brad Morgan
Battlestar Galactica the Complete epic series is important. Bradamawes Daughter played by Mauren Jensen is rarely mentioned by the critics. In my Pantheon of the Gods just like Agamemnon corresponds to Zeus, I correspond to the God who See and my Daughter Corresponds to Snipe his daughter who said moon 168 readback See tin me lead. I once said to America I was using bad grammar to prove I wasnt a robot so dont be scared by that moon 168 readback. I have confirmed that the Kennedy Family has found favor with the Whirly Lizards mentioned by the NRO. I particularly liked the friendships between the Galactica crewmembers. As for what has been happening around the globe with warfare JuliaAthena and I say Lord help us they trusted us to protect them. I invoke Freedom of speech as a Kennedy Family member of the American Shadow Government so that this review crucial to Humanitys survival is not deleted. Support Amazon.com
Was this review helpful to you? YesNo (Report this) <br>And a few comments on it:
What kind of freek are you? <br>| QUOTE | Brad you're a complete nutter.
Joe Don Faker
31st July 2007 - 12:38 PM
QUOTE (Amazon reviewer on The Family Circus+) Like the zen garden, "The Family Circus" provides a sense of tranquility through familiarity, while tantalizing the spirit with very slight variations in theme. As go the gently swirling patterns in the stones, so goes Billy's path through the neighborhood. <br>Enjoying these entries, and the Harriet Klausner conundrum. Perhaps, Mike, you will revisit your initial review of this thread, now that it has flowered a bit. Flahdagal's pithy and direct response to said review made my own retort feel labored in comparison.
OffTopic
31st July 2007 - 01:00 PM
Wow. Everyone is pretty bored, huh?
So, yeah. Me, too.
From Amazon, on The Bible, King James Version:
| QUOTE | You know what's funny? Monkeys and Midgets. You know what's not? This book, it's serious. <!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | You know what's funny? Monkeys and Midgets. You know what's not? This book, it's serious. <!--QuoteBegin)Based on all the hype, I thought this book would change my life. But it didn't. In fact, I found it to be fairly disjointed and at times, contradictory. There were too many perspectives and the story didn't really even have a cohesive plot. This is the most overrated book I've read since The Da Vinci Code! And my personal favorite:
| QUOTE | But let me add this, in Pat's defense: if King James and Pat Robertson should ever meet in Heaven, it will not be Marion "Pat" Robertson who is the first one to say, "Tickle me Elmo!" I know Pat well enough to vouch that he would never ask another man to tickle his elmo; or another woman, for that matter. If anyone tickles Pat Robertson's elmo, it will be Pat himself.
floundering
31st July 2007 - 01:13 PM
QUOTE (Magpie+Jul 31 2007, 02:31 PM) Is the thread in which to discuss that impossibly prolific Amazon reviewer Harriet Klausner? Harriet gets reviewed by the skepticsShe also posts* her "reviews" to Usenet on at least two boards I occasionally browse (rec.arts.mystery and rec.arts.horror.written). Wired has also taken note. Or maybe "used to" post. I put her in my kill file years ago.
Joe Don Faker
31st July 2007 - 01:32 PM
QUOTE (Rex Dart+Jul 31 2007, 04:20 PM) Some of those Family Circus reviews (excised by Amazon after they got wise to the bogus comments) are tear-inducing. I'll seek help. QUOTE Enjoy Yourselves!
Kil Beane (melonhead@mutantpoodles.com) from locked in my bathroom , March 11, 1999 <Picture: 1 out of 5 stars>
I have nothing further to add to the excellent review below
I have absolutely nothing to add to the review below, which sums it all up very nicely. So it would be superfluous for me to submit a review at this time. If I should ever think of something to add to this review, however, I will be the first to know.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A reader from beyond the pale , March 10, 1999 <Picture: 1 out of 5 stars>
Death would be welcome
. . . Enjoy yourself? I think not. Even when Bil turned into a Kafka-esque slug and Thel chased him down with a salt shaker could I even smile. Of course, I was born without smile muscles but that is beside the point. If life is a highway, Bil is the man impaled on the cracked orange traffic cone. QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | Enjoy Yourselves!
Kil Beane (melonhead@mutantpoodles.com) from locked in my bathroom , March 11, 1999 <Picture: 1 out of 5 stars>
I have nothing further to add to the excellent review below
I have absolutely nothing to add to the review below, which sums it all up very nicely. So it would be superfluous for me to submit a review at this time. If I should ever think of something to add to this review, however, I will be the first to know.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A reader from beyond the pale , March 10, 1999 <Picture: 1 out of 5 stars>
Death would be welcome
. . . Enjoy yourself? I think not. Even when Bil turned into a Kafka-esque slug and Thel chased him down with a salt shaker could I even smile. Of course, I was born without smile muscles but that is beside the point. If life is a highway, Bil is the man impaled on the cracked orange traffic cone. |
I'll Shovel the Cards
commonplace@microsoft.com from Microsoft Labs, a secret underground base in Northern Colorado , March 9, 1999 <Picture: 4 out of 5 stars>
. . .His panel with Dolly walking in on mommy and daddy, "That's disgusting!" is one whose immortality shall outstrip Plato or even Anne Rice. The Tennysonian discourse Billy has with Dead Grandpa, "Do you wear Depends in heaven?" is another of my personal favorites. |
Mike-El
31st July 2007 - 02:05 PM
QUOTE (Joe Don Faker+Jul 31 2007, 04:38 PM) Perhaps, Mike, you will revisit your initial review of this thread, now that it has flowered a bit. Flahdagal's pithy and direct response to said review made my own retort feel labored in comparison. Hey, I said it bore watching. There was nothing there that I thought warranted RNF (now there's an acronym for hardcore commenters/feedbackers...who's gonna peg it?). I actually quite love epinions. I consult it for just about every major purchase. Never mined it for the crazy, though. The Amazon stuff is always a kick.
Joe Don Faker
31st July 2007 - 02:08 PM
Retaliatory Negative Feedback?
Regulation Nerf Football?
Rove Not Far?
Mike-El
31st July 2007 - 02:11 PM
QUOTE (Joe Don Faker+Jul 31 2007, 06:08 PM) Retaliatory Negative Feedback? Aces, old chum.
skittlebrau
31st July 2007 - 02:25 PM
QUOTE (skittlebrau+Jul 31 2007, 03:05 PM) I think it was on this board (somewheres) that linked to the product review page at Amazon for some horrible cd of cover love songs by a couple that met on a British reality show? If anyone has that link, it totally needs to live forever in this thread. Okay, here it is. It's called A Whole New World and it's by some couple that met on some British celebrity tv reality show and GOD HELP ME it took all day to find knowing only that much. But I enjoy the effort that went in to the reviews. Heh.* *I should note that the really great reviews are on the second page. And probably maybe note that the reviews are sarcastic.
jedzz
31st July 2007 - 02:29 PM
A+++++++++++++++ WOULD READ THREAD AGAIN This guy's E-Bay feedback page was linked from Fark recently, with a note to check out the note from July of last year. I will say no more.
skittlebrau
31st July 2007 - 02:34 PM
Isn't it illegal to reuse a casket? According to Fisher and Sons, anyway.
Flannery
31st July 2007 - 04:12 PM
Did you guys ever read the crazy milk reviews on Amazon? The New York Times sums the story up nicely.
roseland
31st July 2007 - 04:49 PM
Well, the review of the bible led me to a discussion thread on religious topics, which lead to this post:
| QUOTE | Clearly, after 2000 years, Christianity has totally failed to bring peace, justice and equality to the world and has in fact made things worse on all 3 fronts. Time to give it up, stop trying to convince thinking people with your embarrassing 'arguments' and go away. Which is unremarkable except for the fact that it garnered this reply:
QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | Clearly, after 2000 years, Christianity has totally failed to bring peace, justice and equality to the world and has in fact made things worse on all 3 fronts. Time to give it up, stop trying to convince thinking people with your embarrassing 'arguments' and go away. Which is unremarkable except for the fact that it garnered this reply: Wow! A pretty biased statement if I may say so, but not surprising coming from a canadian. Am I missing some Canadian stereotype? Besides the fact that they skate like pros, are polite, leave their doors unlocked and own guns but don't use them to shoot people are they also a bunch of Christian hatin' atheists? I hate being out of the loop.
skittlebrau
31st July 2007 - 05:09 PM
QUOTE (Flannery+Jul 31 2007, 08:12 PM) Did you guys ever read the crazy milk reviews on Amazon? The New York Times sums the story up nicely. Oh my God, there are over NINE HUNDRED reviews for a gallon of whole milk. I have time wasting material to read for a month now. | QUOTE | There's nothing better than milk - well except maybe radishes. <br>Excellent.
kimchi
31st July 2007 - 06:54 PM
QUOTE (skittlebrau+Jul 31 2007, 06:25 PM) QUOTE (skittlebrau+Jul 31 2007, 03:05 PM) I think it was on this board (somewheres) that linked to the product review page at Amazon for some horrible cd of cover love songs by a couple that met on a British reality show? If anyone has that link, it totally needs to live forever in this thread. Okay, here it is. It's called A Whole New World and it's by some couple that met on some British celebrity tv reality show and GOD HELP ME it took all day to find knowing only that much. But I enjoy the effort that went in to the reviews. Heh.* *I should note that the really great reviews are on the second page. And probably maybe note that the reviews are sarcastic. <!--QuoteBegin--> | QUOTE | | But that's not all! Yes folks, just like the 'Wild Stallions' managed to in 'Bill and Ted', the music from this album CAN BRING ABOUT WORLD PEACE! Just think, a world without the 'War of Terror', a world without nuclear weapons, a world where all religions can unite as one people, and we can explore Space together! And all it will take is for someone to play this album in all the war torn countries in the world. On huge sound systems, so they can all hear it. And, hey, let's put it on in the white-house too, maybe it will help Mr Bush see sense. Or if not, we could put it on repeat play incessantly, and maybe he'll be forced commit suicide. |
Dude, it's Wyld Stallions. God!
Mike H
31st July 2007 - 06:59 PM
| QUOTE | * Reply by gregshawna1 (Jul-19-07 18:23): The casket was used. Who would buy used casket ...it was beautiful <br>"Who would sell used casket?" should be the better question.
QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | * Reply by gregshawna1 (Jul-19-07 18:23): The casket was used. Who would buy used casket ...it was beautiful <br>"Who would sell used casket?" should be the better question.
Oh my God, there are over NINE HUNDRED reviews for a gallon of whole milk. <br>| QUOTE | He always brought home milk on Friday.
After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.
Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no bouyant greeting - no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue, but also no smile. I didn't speak, but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shrivelled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.
Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?" "Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."
That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy. <br>That is my favorite. Catherine Swinford, touché.
So I looked at her other reviews, like this one for Nature Organics Chicken Formula Dry Cat Food:
QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | He always brought home milk on Friday.
After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.
Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no bouyant greeting - no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue, but also no smile. I didn't speak, but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shrivelled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.
Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?" "Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."
That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy. <br>That is my favorite. Catherine Swinford, touché.
So I looked at her other reviews, like this one for Nature Organics Chicken Formula Dry Cat Food:
Smells so good I could almost eat it myself. Needless to say my babies love it. <br>Fairly innocuous except I didn't realize for about a minute that "babies" meant her cats. I'm smrt.
Rex Dart
31st July 2007 - 07:14 PM
I think Katie Price is actually pretty famous in the UK, kind of their Pamela Anderson. So to them, that album is probably not that obscure. Weirdos. You'd never see a useless celebrity release an album here.A++++++++++ to the milk reviews. (BTW, there is an eBay feedback generator that randomly puts together wilty-esque feedback for you to leave.)
Miss Edie
1st August 2007 - 08:25 AM
Unfortunately, the Advertising industry has discovered that consumers rely on user reviews, and are now using this information to their advantage. The story suggests that brands put reviews on their own sites. Who would trust reviews on the company's own site? They'd be self-serving, edited, if not completely made-up. But the obvious next step for an advertiser is to plant fake reviews on third party sites, both positive reviews of their own products and negative reviews of competitors. Yes, I'm cynical.
p2c2e
1st August 2007 - 09:33 AM
| QUOTE | But the obvious next step for an advertiser is to plant fake reviews on third party sites, both positive reviews of their own products and negative reviews of competitors.
Yes, I'm cynical. <br>It's not cynicism, it's truth. On Yelp a customer review site for business' there are always reviews you can tell were written by someone from the business it will be all five star this is great and it will be the person's only review and they won't have any friends, so while they do stand out they also throw off the rating.
The rural juror
1st August 2007 - 09:43 AM
I actually found an example a while ago when shopping for a Panasonic Li-Fi DLP HD television. From the Sears.com site:
| QUOTE | FEATURED REVIEW
Overall Rating: 5/5
Quality, June 12, 2007 By navycarl from Atlanta, Georgia
Performance: 5/5 Image Quality: 5/5 Audio Quality: 5/5 Features: 5/5
"The Panasonic 56 inch flat screen is the best television I have ever owned. This was my first flat screen tv and was apprehensive about quality and performance. I've owned this tv for over a year and it has not lost it's quality and I have not had any maintenance issues. The high definition is clear and the picture is sharp. I recommended this televison to my friends and family." <br>The problem? This model of television was announced in April 2007 and are still not available for purchase. So either Navycarl is a time traveler or he's a fake customer.
Joe Don Faker
1st August 2007 - 10:51 AM
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yup, time travel is here and only Panasonic has the keys. Time to jump on that stock, people.
"Just think of what you could do with the time transport!" "You could bring Bob Saget to meet Charlemagne." "You could prevent Jim Carrey, Newt Gingrich, and the Smashing Pumpkins."
Miss Edie
1st August 2007 - 05:18 PM
QUOTE (p2c2e+Aug 1 2007, 01:33 PM) It's not cynicism, it's truth. On Yelp a customer review site for business' there are always reviews you can tell were written by someone from the business it will be all five star this is great and it will be the person's only review and they won't have any friends, so while they do stand out they also throw off the rating.
Funny you should mention it, because I subscribe to a media newsletter, which I usually delete without reading, but I opened one today and it was about Yelp. Here's what it said, in part: QUOTE As Yelp grows and its reviews become more and more important, the advertising will become even better. There are name-brand advertisers in there now, but it is more than just a contextually relevant ad opportunity; it is a local ad opportunity, and one that could be as important, if not more important, than the yellow pages. This model was never embraced by Craigslist (to their own benefit), but Yelp appears to be poised to take advantage of this ever-expanding area of online.
buffyvol
1st August 2007 - 05:32 PM
QUOTE (JDF+) You could prevent Jim Carrey, Newt Gingrich, and the Smashing Pumpkins." Hey! I like Smashing Pumpkins! * the world is a vampire*
Two Keg Peg
7th August 2007 - 07:42 PM
| QUOTE | 1 of 1 people found the following review helpful: unhappy camper, July 17, 2007 By florida shopper (Bradenton, FL United States) - See all my reviews This set of sheets is the worst I have ever purchased. I would say they are "industrial strength" but outside of a prison, I don't know what "industry" would accept them. Certainly no one in health care or a knowledge of fabrics. They are not like any 400 count or sateen sheet I have ever seen; they are rougher than 200 count, they do not feel like sateen. I washed and used "ultra soft" fabric softener, to no avail. I attempted to put them on a bed and the corner seam of the fitted corner split open. I am even hesitant to give them to Goodwill. I would not recommend these to anyone.
<br>She wouldn't recommend these sheets to ANYONE! Well, except maybe prisoners. They deserve them. Bastards.
NikkiJ
13th August 2007 - 08:25 AM
QUOTE (Rex Dart+Aug 1 2007, 04:14 AM) I think Katie Price is actually pretty famous in the UK, kind of their Pamela Anderson. So to them, that album is probably not that obscure. Weirdos. You'd never see a useless celebrity release an album here. Katie Price is also known as Jordan. Ex-glamour model and the bloke is now her husband, made famous (again, he had a single out in the 90's) for being on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. Reality show set in the Australian Jungle. Why do I know these things!
Dane
13th August 2007 - 06:50 PM
Ok, I'm sure everyone already knows about this, but the topic isn't complete without mentioning it. This item on Amazon is already insane and hilarious. The 155 reviews are the cherry on the cake. For instance, QUOTE 5 of 5 people found the following review helpful: Not as comfortable as I thought it would be, August 7, 2007 By tropicflite - See all my reviews
* Cup holder broke the first day.
* No mount for child seat.
* Got a major ding (shopping cart?) at the supermarket.
Next time I buy a tank I'll spend a little more and avoid the entry level models. <br>and QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | 5 of 5 people found the following review helpful: Not as comfortable as I thought it would be, August 7, 2007 By tropicflite - See all my reviews
* Cup holder broke the first day.
* No mount for child seat.
* Got a major ding (shopping cart?) at the supermarket.
Next time I buy a tank I'll spend a little more and avoid the entry level models. <br>and
10 of 13 people found the following review helpful: Very disappointing..., June 7, 2007 By KV Trout (Los Angeles, CA USA) - See all my reviews
I bought this based on the window sticker which stated that it got 2 miles per gallon. But in reality, in actual desert use, it only gets 1 mile per gallon. Therefore I do not recommend this particular tank.
roseland
13th August 2007 - 07:45 PM
I'm quite partial to Billy Boy's Tale of woe entitled: The Donk is OK, not recommended for a drunken rampage. Opening paragraph: QUOTE I bought one of these Donks 'cause I thought the cops wouldn't hastle me in it. Since it aint road legal I figured it wouldn't matter that I don't got a driver's license anymore (It's that kinda "outa the box" thinkin that's got me where I am in life). I figured when the cops said "Billy, you know you aint supposed to be drivin a car anymore" I could say "I aint drivin a car, I'm drivin a Donk" and then crank up "Freebird" on my 400 Watt stereo as I lay down a thick patch of rubber with the 6hp fire-breathin power plant and maybe let out a rebel yell as I go up on 2 wheels and squeeze between the 2 squad cars they had set up as a road block. Then when they pulled out their guns and tried to stop me the bullets would just rikoshay off my trusty Donk as I glance matter-of-factly into the rear view mirror and flick the ash off my Marlboro in symbolic contempt of the agressors what I had just thwarted.
Two Keg Peg
13th August 2007 - 07:56 PM
Edited because Roseland beat me to the punch, haha.
Rex Dart
13th August 2007 - 07:57 PM
No, I hadn't heard about it! That definitely made my day. Hell, just the name "Badonkadonk" is great. And $14.99 is a pretty goddamn reasonable shipping price for a TANK. Only two left in stock -- order soon! QUOTE I ordered two JL421's four months ago. The first one arrived in plastic shell packaging that was almost impossible to open. I actually had to go to the kitchen to get scissors to open it, and still nearly cut my thumb getting it out of the packaging. QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | | I ordered two JL421's four months ago. The first one arrived in plastic shell packaging that was almost impossible to open. I actually had to go to the kitchen to get scissors to open it, and still nearly cut my thumb getting it out of the packaging. |
Somebody is bound to gripe about this, so let me tell you: the sound system sucks. Instead of Grateful Dead and Eric Clapton, you get some radio news channel about aircraft and radar, I have no idea what it is. |
QUOTE I must say, I am a little disappointed. For starters, the performance. While I'm not expecting to hit 60 in under five seconds, I didn't think it would take three days, 4 hours and 26 seconds. Could do better. QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | | I must say, I am a little disappointed. For starters, the performance. While I'm not expecting to hit 60 in under five seconds, I didn't think it would take three days, 4 hours and 26 seconds. Could do better. |
Good for parties, lousy for fighting off post-apocalyptic barbarians. If you're serious about surviving the collapse of civilization, get yourself a basic armored vehicle and use the money you save to hire some mercenaries. |
QUOTE I don't recommend this tank to anyone because my family has been squished. But I guess it fulfilled its purpose; killing innocent people. QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | | I don't recommend this tank to anyone because my family has been squished. But I guess it fulfilled its purpose; killing innocent people. |
Is anybody else concerned that people who purchased items like this also seem to have purchased maps of Bhutan and other items related to Bhutan? Let me be the first to declare my opposition to the invasion of Bhutan. |
| QUOTE | My bride and newborn were thrilled when they found out that friends and family had found our registry listings on Amazon and immediately went about ordering one for us and one for our newborn son Knodaknodab. Knoddy as we call him, simply wet himself when he set his eyes on it. After he uttered the words.."gbstktbbrrrllldd" my wife said "Knoddy loves it!!!!" Of course he won't be driving it until he's at least 16, so it will be garaged..or warehoused until he is ready to drive it. Luckily the other day we found out that Amazon will soon be selling warehouses Damn, I just realized... I hope Sars doesn't add it to her wish list.
fofanna1
13th August 2007 - 10:02 PM
This was my favorite - QUOTE 1. Every single person I have had an issue with is now afraid of me. It's not that quiet respect kind of thing either, these people are petrified of me. My neighbors used to get mad when the dog "Wally" would use their yard as a bathroom -- not any more. In fact, they don't get mad when I do it either.
RockPaperScissors
19th August 2007 - 07:32 PM
The older milk reviews were pretty funny, but now that it's hit mainstream, they aren't quite as funny, as people just try too hard. QUOTE Tried this Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz beverage last week with a selection of dipping pastries--Oreo, shortbread, yak tail--and while I found it creamy enough, with a silky texture and mild finish, it was just a shade too bland. However, it was a very effective bait for my local cats, which I was happy about because I do so love that tangy seafood aftertaste in cat milk. WTF?
Joe Don Faker
22nd August 2007 - 12:56 PM
Okay, now imagine 128 Fl. oz. Tuscan Whole Milk doesn't quite agree with you . . . The solution?
buffyvol
9th September 2007 - 12:41 PM
More tuscan Whole Milk,1 Gallon,128fl oz reviews. I'm betting some of these people used to help rate Sandra Lee's "recipes" on Food Network.
Miss Edie
9th September 2007 - 12:59 PM
Now I know what J. Peterman is up to these days.
pwtf-refugee
8th October 2007 - 06:40 PM
Sorry to drag this thread up when I don't actually have anything important to add, but I am eternally grateful to magpie for bringing up Harriet Klausner and her Amazon reviews. I hadn't ever thought about it before, but now that I read about it, it does seem that almost every review I've ever read has had a Harriet Klausner recommendation. I also loved the link, magpie! I can't believe I never paid that much attention to the prolific Ms. Klausner before.
Magpie
9th October 2007 - 03:15 AM
You're welcome! I'm always shocked when I read about a book on Amazon and find that Harriet has *not* reviewed it!
skittlebrau
9th October 2007 - 11:48 AM
Has she reviewed RobertBlue's book yet? That's when we'll know he's "made it" in the literary world.
Magpie
9th October 2007 - 03:20 PM
Ha! Well, I couldn't resist checking it out, and amazingly, Harriet hasn't sniffed out this masterpiece yet. (However, there are three reviews, all written by guys named Mark. Hmmm.)
La G
11th December 2007 - 10:47 PM
Customer Review of 13p Bic penI think my favourite additional comment is this; QUOTE Posted on 11 Dec 2007 11:12 GMT D. Hunt says: A friend sent me a post card from Australia. Yes, she wrote it with the Bic Crystal ballpoint pen, medium point, black. Which proves this pen even works upside down.
NikkiJ
12th December 2007 - 05:48 AM
I think there are some serious piss takers on there. Or very bored people.
| QUOTE | I recently watched a film called the bourne identity, he killed a man with this very model of pen.
<br>The comments are just brilliant.
lee
12th December 2007 - 09:03 AM
It cracks me up that there's a thread for this, I always get a kick out of reading the little flamewars in the review and comments section of websites, though the painful stupidity of people does get depressing at times.
This one made me laugh:
| QUOTE | 0 of 1 people found the following review helpful: Murder, She Wrote - the complete first season By Mary Phillips - See all my reviews I find the product to be of excellent quality and can't wait for my next shipment of Season Two and Four.
There was a bit of a mix up when you tried to process my original order and I found the reason to be - because of the little center roller button on my computer's mouse. I had inserted my name and the date of expiry in the appropriate places but when I tried to scroll down - I forgot that when you use the button to scroll down, it changes the name or number inserted in the above place. That was why I got an e-mail from you saying the bank didn't agree with my date of expiry. However, I was able to correct it on the order and now, everything is okay!!
Mary <br>At least nobody marked it helpful.
ETA: Wow, it seems that a lot of people are confused by the review section and seem to think they're directly corresponding with Amazon:
QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | 0 of 1 people found the following review helpful: Murder, She Wrote - the complete first season By Mary Phillips - See all my reviews I find the product to be of excellent quality and can't wait for my next shipment of Season Two and Four.
There was a bit of a mix up when you tried to process my original order and I found the reason to be - because of the little center roller button on my computer's mouse. I had inserted my name and the date of expiry in the appropriate places but when I tried to scroll down - I forgot that when you use the button to scroll down, it changes the name or number inserted in the above place. That was why I got an e-mail from you saying the bank didn't agree with my date of expiry. However, I was able to correct it on the order and now, everything is okay!!
Mary <br>At least nobody marked it helpful.
ETA: Wow, it seems that a lot of people are confused by the review section and seem to think they're directly corresponding with Amazon:
Superb!, October 6, 2007 By Karen S. Sayre (Burlington, VT) - See all my reviews My DVD's arrived in excellent condition and I have enjoys hours of joy in watching Murder She Wrote's second season. I absolute cannot get enough of that show.
Sincerely,
Karen Sayre
PS I now reside in Arden, NC <br>| QUOTE | Murder she wrote, October 9, 2007 By Heather Madison - See all my reviews I have not seen this one yet, i bought it for a christmas gift to my grandmother. thank you for the fast delivery.
<br>So...five stars for delivery then?
Magpie
12th December 2007 - 11:43 AM
Amazon is just full of helpful "reviews", like all the one-star ones about the Kindle, posted by people who have never seen one in person, much less actually used one.
Chenille
12th December 2007 - 12:50 PM
I'm really not trying to defend Amazon, honest. A few days after I last received an order from them they sent me an e-mail requesting feedback. I assumed they wanted that ebay style feedback "great shipping, A++++, bestest ever..." kind of thing. But I managed to figure out they were looking for product reviews before I posted anything like that! It wasn't that difficult. And those reviews are kind of embarrassing.
lee
21st December 2007 - 06:11 AM
TMI in an eBay listing:
| QUOTE | This is the most awesome Tv, I think. I had to have one I purchased this in March of 06 for $800.00. This was my mommy present. It was great for our prior house but now much too large so after much thought I am selling it. This is a Samsumg 32 inch tv. Everything works. It is awesome for movies you have different views, diff. sounds, HDTV ready it is awesome. It has a remote also. This is a p/u only this tv is heavy but my husband and I carried it in the house I'm only 5ft. 112 lbs. This would be a great Xmas present. <br>I'm also getting the impression that the TV is "awesome" but I'm not sure.
NiceMerkin
30th December 2007 - 10:21 AM
A Netflix review for an Iranian film, responding to a string of complaints about the DVD's unreadable subtitles:
| QUOTE | Most of the reviews idly complain about the subtitles being so bad - white lettering against white, what I did was go out and learn to read Iranian (Persian - Farsi). Persian is spoken today primarily in Iran and Afghanistan, but was historically a more widely understood language in an area ranging from the Middle East to India. Total numbers of speakers is high: over 40 million Farsi speakers (about 50% of Iran's population); over 7 million Dari Persian speakers in Afghanistan (25% of the population); and about 2 million Dari Persian speakers in Pakistan. Suffice it to say, I had no idea what the film was about because the volume did not work. <br>I can't decide if this person is snarky or insane.
The rural juror
1st January 2008 - 09:39 AM
QUOTE My Lil' Reminder
"On Friday I told my wife that she urgently had to get her medication from the pharmacy ... She recorded the message on her recorder (I saw her do it) ... she couldn't play back what was on the recorder. It was too late to go to any pharmacy ... My wife didn't get her medication. The funeral was Monday."
Joe Don Faker
1st January 2008 - 10:01 AM
QUOTE (The rural juror+Jan 1 2008, 12:31 PM) QUOTE My Lil' Reminder
"On Friday I told my wife that she urgently had to get her medication from the pharmacy ... She recorded the message on her recorder (I saw her do it) ... she couldn't play back what was on the recorder. It was too late to go to any pharmacy ... My wife didn't get her medication. The funeral was Monday." Ha ha. I think...? That review attracted the most attention at its page on Infomercial Ratings, exceeding all other reviews by over 100 votes: Review Quality: Helpful (80 votes) | Unhelpful (70 votes) All but one of the reviewers agree the product sucks, though.
Joe Don Faker
9th January 2008 - 05:26 PM
How about a semi-celebrity customer review? The Onion asked Patton Oswalt to review the KFC "Famous Bowl," a product made semi-famous in one of his comedic bits: QUOTE (Patton Oswalt's stand-up transcribed by blogger Marlo+) Okay, stop right there. Can you pile all of those items into a single bowl, just kinda make 'em into a wet mound of starch that I can eat with a spoon like I'm a death row prisoner on suicide watch? Could I just have that instead?
Um, yes, we can do that. We can also arrange those on a plate like you're an adult with dignity and self-respect. You don't have to actually eat your food out of a single bowl.
Fuck that, I'm done, I don't give a shit. Just pile all those things in a bowl. Is there a way that the bowl can play This Mortal Coil's "It'll End In Tears" album while I'm eating it at 2 in the morning in my darkened apartment, just kinda staring into the middle distance?
KFC's famous bowls, that's their top selling item. Can't keep 'em -- American has spoken: Pile my food in a fucking bowl, I don't give a shit, I'll have it all in one fuckin' -- I just want kind of a light brown hillock of glop. If you could put my lunch in a blender and liquefy it and then put it into a caulking gun and inject it right into my femoral artery, even better.
But until you invent a Lunch Gun, I would like a failure pile in a sadness bowl. That is what I want. Give me -- pile my food --
[starts singing]
America Eatin' my lunch from a single bowl In my parents' basement Where I'm livin' Happy birthday, I'm 43
That's how I want my lunch I don't wanna waste those precious calories chewin'. Somebody move my jaw for me, Jesus come work my jaw And help my sloppy pile of food go down <br>Only he had never actually eaten one ... until now. The actual Famous Bowl used in the review, before partial consumptionHere's the Cliffs Notes version of the Onion piece: QUOTE (The Onion review+) The franchise I visited, on Hollywood Boulevard near my old apartment, looked like it had withstood assault by bullets, flamethrowers, Baseball Furies, and a hundred hook-handed whores. Everything inside the store—including the employees and customers—looked like it had been rubbed with sad ham...
The Famous Bowl has a black plastic bottom and a clear plastic top that fogs appealingly from the jungle heat of the beige glop inside... It sat on the passenger seat next to me like a sullen runaway I'd picked up on the interstate...
My mouth was laced with the various "flavors" of the Famous Bowl. My stomach was bloated and uncomfortable with the fist of starch I'd just put in it. But I didn't feel like I'd eaten. It's like when you see some loud summer blockbuster, or hear an overproduced pop song—you're left with the sensation of seeing, hearing, or in the case of the Famous Bowl, eating. But in the end, that's all they are—sensations.
There was nothing of consequence or value for me to digest, no taste or memory left on my teeth or tongue to savor and think about.
It's goddamn horrible, this Famous Bowl.
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La G
25th January 2008 - 09:16 AM
Due to a coding mishap, LoveFilm (think Netflix) has "Title Temporarily Unavailable" listed as an actual item on its site. Here are the reviewsMy favourite: | QUOTE | To begin with, I was quite disappointed that this disk took weeks to arrive. When it did eventually arrive, I was extremely grateful that it took so long to come in the first place. <br>
NatalieX
25th January 2008 - 10:09 AM
henry
25th January 2008 - 10:57 AM
Heh, my favorite review is "Cooper killed my dog".
Joe Don Faker
25th January 2008 - 11:25 AM
Al Gore predicted the Internet would bring make Instant Karma a reality.
La G
20th June 2008 - 07:52 AM
Amazon.com reviews of $500 stereo cableQUOTE If Denon had captured the Divine light of creation and distiled it into 1.5 meters of ultramegaradioactive copper, it could not have been better than this cable. Just holding the packaging it comes in, I can see distant galaxies and, though you may not believe it, hear what the aliens there are thinking. THAT is how good this cable is. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. Honestly, looking at it is better than foreplay. You feel wracking orgastic shivers just touching it. I just know that zeros and ones will achieve true integer perfection when they travel this cable. But I'm afraid to actually install it. I might die.
Mike H
20th June 2008 - 11:44 AM
| QUOTE | Honestly, looking at it is better than foreplay. You feel wracking orgastic shivers just touching it. I just know that zeros and ones will achieve true integer perfection when they travel this cable. But I'm afraid to actually install it. I might die. <br>I may just get this and forget about finding me a man.
The rural juror
20th June 2008 - 12:24 PM
500$!!! You could get five hundred 1$ hookers for that price.
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