Friday, February 8, 2008
Not a Good Week
An easy way to tell how well I'm doing:
If I've admitted to writing poetry, it's not a good thing. That's where my mind goes when I start to lose it. And I've composed enough to have the foundation for a collection since my grandfather was admitted to the looney bin for being combative at the nursing home.
Here's one of them now:
born in one war
died in another
haunted a family till the hospital moved the bones
every night the fires raged
every day the boats docked
the war went on
long after the bomb
long after the boon
long after long travel meant trips to the store
pink tomb with a northern view
shots cry over the garden
Africa first, then Italy
sick in wait, no change
Germany next
good teeth, bad humor
memory reel flickers over company
rewind dreams for a new day
---
I told you it was a bad sign I was writing poetry.
To be honest, I think it's a pretty darn good poem. Nothing earth shattering, of course, but there's some interesting imagery and it does capture the reality of the situation in a different way.
Then again, it could be the crazies induced by a lack of sleep tainting my judgment.
<br>
bugspoon4
8th February 2008 - 02:54 PM
| QUOTE | Then again, it could be the crazies induced by a lack of sleep tainting my judgment.
<br>Oh Robert, I don't think the lack of sleep has anything to do with your crazies.
Larry Dallas
8th February 2008 - 03:40 PM
I love the "to be honest" disclaimer before he praises his own work.
To be honest, I think this is a pretty good post. It's short but pithy, and captures the essential faux-humility of RB. But it's the end of a long work week, so that could be affecting my judgment.
Mike-El
8th February 2008 - 05:35 PM
Who knew Robert was a Vogon?
skittlebrau
8th February 2008 - 05:37 PM
QUOTE (Mike-El+Feb 8 2008, 08:27 PM) Who knew Robert was a Vogon? I swear to God I was just thinking that. To be honest, I think that great minds always think alike, and honestly my mind is pretty great. But that could be the lack of sleep talking, lol!
DodgerGirl
8th February 2008 - 07:44 PM
QUOTE (fofanna1+Feb 7 2008, 11:40 PM) QUOTE (Two Keg Peg+Feb 7 2008, 10:17 PM) Who's going to tell us how to change our underwear in a fast and efficient way? I guess DodgerGirl is. To be honest, fofanna is merely jealous that once again I was faster than she was to post the obvious.
livemallsanita
8th February 2008 - 09:36 PM
I hate Robert. What a cockknocker.
AllRightyThen
8th February 2008 - 09:40 PM
QUOTE (livemallsanita+Feb 8 2008, 09:28 PM) I hate Robert. What a cockknocker. So you needed a +1? Because that had no substance. Do all our posts need substance? No. But with a new thread and it being pretty, your post was lacking,\sarcasm kind of, +1
livemallsanita
8th February 2008 - 09:48 PM
C'mere, AllRightyThen.... let's cuddle.
buffyvol
9th February 2008 - 08:12 AM
Get a room you two! Blechk!
henry
11th February 2008 - 04:29 PM
QUOTE Crashing to Shore: A Story
by Robert Gannon
February 11, 2008 05:41 PM EST rating: 10/10 (1 vote) | comments: 1
It's the catch of the day. The roughly hewn boat crashes against the cycle of waves as he fights back. This kind of struggle should end when the creature's off the hook. The snap of the pole smacking the edge as he scrambles for the net. And yet he sits, fighting a greater design. His eyes grasp for salvation - a safe journey home, a successful career, a new day, a new catch. The vessel rocks towards the ocean, fighting the aim of it master. The rest of the crew can barely make out his struggle as the waves grow in time to the looming clouds. Shouldn't "A Story" be called "A Paragraph" ? And it's so short, why can't he proofread? The sentence bolded above makes no sense.
DodgerGirl
11th February 2008 - 04:34 PM
That's it? Where are the apples?
livemallsanita
11th February 2008 - 04:41 PM
Is it a tribute to Roy Scheider (R.I.P.)?
Flahdagal
11th February 2008 - 05:15 PM
The Young Man and the Lagoon?
skittlebrau
11th February 2008 - 06:23 PM
Hunh. I thought it was a review of The Old Man and the Sea.
Edit: And now I realize I just ruined Flah's joke. My sense of humor went for a bike ride today and never came back.
dottstar
11th February 2008 - 06:38 PM
QUOTE fighting the aim of it master. Is it missing a comma or is there a master that we get to choose?
livemallsanita
12th February 2008 - 08:14 PM
| QUOTE | The official blog of writer Robert Gannon. Come here for one stop shopping for all of his new online freelance articles and projects in development.
<br>So now he's pretending his blog is a marketplace for people to find AND PAY FOR his amazing writing? And, talking in 3rd person about himself?
I don't get it. I just don't get it.
9th Wonder!
12th February 2008 - 08:17 PM
My god, does he really think people will PAY to read his writing?
Yeah, I can really see Black Dirt Country and Crashing to Shore on the New York Times best sellers list.
Bunnicula
17th February 2008 - 04:29 PM
The latest offering from Robert... | QUOTE | 3 Steps to a Better You
By Robert Gannon
The woman behind the counter of the department store insisted she could help me out.
“Sir, may I have a moment of your time?” I nodded, hoping to rush her through her pitch. “If I may say so, sir, your skin is looking a bit… dry. Lifeless. Almost like you don’t care for it anymore.”
“You don’t say,” I replied. I raised my open hand to my face and did feel a few dry patches.
“Oh yes, sir. And I have just the thing for you. We just got it into the department this morning. It’s a new three-step system that has been used for generations in Eastern Europe. Just apply every night before you go to bed and you’ll instantly feel like a new person.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. How could some lotion make me a new person? Eastern European secret, indeed.
“The best part, sir, is we are offering the introductory kit for only $4.95. If you’re not completely satisfied within one use, we’ll refund your money and exchange the kit for any item in the department. What do you say, sir? Care to give it a try?”
How could I say no to getting free cologne the very next day? Or, by a strange miracle, perfectly conditioned skin for under five bucks. I handed her my credit card and headed home for the night.
After a relaxing dinner, I was ready to go to bed. I almost forgot about the lotion kit from the department store. I lifted the small box out of the printed plastic bag and began to read the instructions.
“Step One: in a darkened room with a sink, apply a dime-sized amount of the blue disinfectant, labeled 1, to your face and neck.” I took off my glasses and walked into the bathroom with the bottles. The blue goop tingled against my skin as I massaged the product into my face.
I left the bathroom to read the rest of the instructions. The disinfectant warmed up my face as I continued the treatment.
“Step Two: spray exactly one and one half pumps of the toning foam, labeled 2, into the palm of your left hand and rub into your face.” I couldn’t read the label without my glasses, but I found the pump bottle and gave myself two good squirts. The green foam seemed to freeze the outer surface of my face. Refreshing.
“Step Three: before turning the light back on, spritz the top of your head, ears, and back of your neck with the revitalizing spray, labeled 3.” I walked back into the darkened bathroom and sprayed the red liquid all over my head. After rinsing off my hands, I massaged the product thoroughly into my scalp.
The freezing sensation was gone, but the spray seemed to tingle under the surface of my skin. I scratched at my scalp, digging deep into the soft flesh, clawing for relief from the unending vibrations. My fingers started to pulsate like an electric razor. I knew I had had enough.
I struggled to find the light switch in the darkened room. The sudden burst of light seemed to blind me. No. The light alone couldn’t have blurred my vision that much. I pressed my face against the door length mirror, but could only see dark shadows across the surface.
I rushed to the other room to find my glasses, but could no longer see anything but the blurred color of the walls. Even that seemed doubtful. My white shirt and pale skin seemed dark, almost alive with a fury of rushing water. It was then that I felt something plop against my exposed hand. I reached up with my other hand to feel the dripping wet surface of my face, as crimson tides overtook my vision.
<br>Can someone please explain the ending to me? Did he turn into water like the Senator in X-Men or was it more of a Raiders of the Lost Ark face melting thing?
Shamrock
17th February 2008 - 04:39 PM
Crimson tides? Really?
Also, I vote for face melting.
HereComesTrouble
17th February 2008 - 05:28 PM
His white shirt and pale face seemed dark? WTF? Almost alive with a fury of rushing water? His shirt and skin are almost alive with the fury of water? Is the water dark? Is he supposed to be spontaneously bleeding from every pore, thus darkening his formerly white shirt? Wouldn't he notice that his hands and shirt are "red," not dark? The same crimson that overtakes his vision, to be exact? More importantly, are we supposed to believe that they're just selling face-dissolving skincare products in a department store? They regulate that shit, you know. QUOTE The green foam seemed to freeze the outer surface of my face.
the spray seemed to tingle under the surface of my skin.
The sudden burst of light seemed to blind me.
My white shirt and pale skin seemed dark, almost alive It seemed almost like something I wasn't quite sure what. Way to be ridiculously imprecise. Maybe instead of just waffling about how something "seems" like something, you could write about why it "seems" that way and actually, you know, describe what you mean. QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | The green foam seemed to freeze the outer surface of my face.
the spray seemed to tingle under the surface of my skin.
The sudden burst of light seemed to blind me.
My white shirt and pale skin seemed dark, almost alive |
It seemed almost like something I wasn't quite sure what. Way to be ridiculously imprecise. Maybe instead of just waffling about how something "seems" like something, you could write about why it "seems" that way and actually, you know, describe what you mean.
I raised my open hand to my face and did feel a few dry patches. I'm glad you specified that, because I would have thought that you raised your fist to your face and felt your skin with your knuckles, since that's how people usually touch their faces, and investigating textures open-handed with your fingertips is rarely done. Also, a story that is ninety-nine percent "I walked around. I went to the store. Here's a list of the stuff I bought. Me and my family drove around in our car. Here's our conversation" and one percent vaguely described gore is not a "horror story." It's a fucking boring diary entry with "And then I got shot and died!!! And then my face melted!!!" tacked onto the end.
skittlebrau
17th February 2008 - 05:30 PM
I read "skin treatments from Eastern Europe" and thought it was going to be a story about how he turned into a golem.
Msquared
17th February 2008 - 05:35 PM
I was expecting a story about how the person at the cosmetics counter totally dissed him. Not melting faces! 
Two Keg Peg
17th February 2008 - 06:15 PM
| QUOTE | Also, a story that is ninety-nine percent "I walked around. I went to the store. Here's a list of the stuff I bought. Me and my family drove around in our car. Here's our conversation" and one percent vaguely described gore is not a "horror story." It's a fucking boring diary entry with "And then I got shot and died!!! And then my face melted!!!" tacked onto the end.
<br>But the apples make it interesting. They bought apples and THEN went apple picking because their love for the crisp treats consumed them and each bite into an apple's juicy flesh was like an orgy of delicious. They are Adam and Eve's children after all, and thus doomed to repeat the mistake of loving apples inappropriately. Hence, they were massacred in the family Truckster.
polenta
17th February 2008 - 06:17 PM
If anyone told Robert his skin looked dry and lifeless, like he doesn't care for it anymore, he'd go ape shit. The odd details he tries to go for to make the story realistic really don't make sense, such as the $4.95 price for moisturizer with a complimentary gift of cologne. Where does he shop? Sears & Roebuck circa 1959?
But how I have missed my daily Robert fix. Always makes me laugh.
Stripecat
18th February 2008 - 07:17 AM
| QUOTE | They regulate that shit, you know.
<br>Well, but the instructions clearly specified one-and-a-half pumps of toning foam, and the narrator used two. If you don't follow instructions, the government can't possibly be held responsible for your face melting.
Msquared
18th February 2008 - 08:08 AM
| QUOTE | More importantly, are we supposed to believe that they're just selling face-dissolving skincare products in a department store? They regulate that shit, you know.
Don't you see, HCT? This isn't merely a story about someone's face melting. It's a metaphor, if you will - an indictment of the military/industrial/infotainment/cosmetics complex. It's a socialist treatise. Power to the people, dammit.
La G
18th February 2008 - 08:16 AM
QUOTE (Msquared+Feb 18 2008, 04:00 PM) It's a socialist treatise. Don't let The Man oppress your patchy complexion! Fight for your right to be itchy!
Bunnicula
18th February 2008 - 08:32 AM
| QUOTE | “Oh yes, sir. And I have just the thing for you. We just got it into the department this morning. It’s a new three-step system that has been used for generations in Eastern Europe. Just apply every night before you go to bed and you’ll instantly feel like a new person.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. How could some lotion make me a new person? Eastern European secret, indeed.
<br>Doesn't that sound more like a set-up for him discovering that he has a completely different face after using the product? It doesn't really lead to the face melting conclusion, but maybe it's supposed to be a twist ending.
I agree with others that it's not really great horror writing to just describe a bunch of mundane crap and then tack on an ambiguous death scene at the end. I mean, The Twilight Zone could pull that kind of thing off sometimes, but you need a good freak-out moment at the end to make it work.
fofanna1
18th February 2008 - 08:49 AM
This is the part that thoroughly confused me:
| QUOTE | “Step Two: spray exactly one and one half pumps of the toning foam, labeled 2, into the palm of your left hand and rub into your face.” I couldn’t read the label without my glasses, but I found the pump bottle and gave myself two good squirts. The green foam seemed to freeze the outer surface of my face. Refreshing.
He tells us what the label said and then he tells us that he couldn't read the label without his glasses. Is the whole point of this story that you shouldn't self-medicate without your glasses on? And did his face fall off because he didn't follow the directions? This is really more of a mystery than a horror story. I think it needs work.
GoodLuckWithThat
18th February 2008 - 09:45 AM
I tink he's watching way too many horror movies. QUOTE Re: What phobias do you have in real life?
by trentsketch 20 hours ago (Sun Feb 17 2008 06:17:49)
A ridiculous amount.
Snakes, spiders, the dark, climbing, falling, heights, elevators, failure, clowns, live fish, and simulated versions of any of these.
So if I'm watching a movie and they are standing on top of a building, I start freaking out. If there's a close-up of a fish tank in an animated series, I get nervous. And don't even get me started on clowns in the media. QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | Re: What phobias do you have in real life?
by trentsketch 20 hours ago (Sun Feb 17 2008 06:17:49)
A ridiculous amount.
Snakes, spiders, the dark, climbing, falling, heights, elevators, failure, clowns, live fish, and simulated versions of any of these.
So if I'm watching a movie and they are standing on top of a building, I start freaking out. If there's a close-up of a fish tank in an animated series, I get nervous. And don't even get me started on clowns in the media. |
Re: What phobias do you have in real life?
by trentsketch 5 hours ago (Mon Feb 18 2008 03:57:18)
I also fear ambush in the basement or unfamiliar staircases. Same applies to darkened hallways, even in my own home. |
Since when are clowns such an issue in the media? Is this a New Jersey thing?
henry
18th February 2008 - 10:23 AM
Doesn't he film all of his reviews in the basement? What is he afraid of? (Besides the paint cans next to the hot water heater)
superior olive
18th February 2008 - 11:42 AM
QUOTE ("trentsketch"+) If there's a close-up of a fish tank in an animated series, I get nervous. <br>Next on The Horror Network, dive into the depths of fear with tense, heart-stopping thriller Finding Nemo.
Miss Edie
18th February 2008 - 04:24 PM
This is at least the second time he's used the phrase "crimson tide." Pretty soon he's going to hear from a pissed off University of Alabama copyright lawyer if he keeps this up.
I think it would have been a better story is the mannequins in the department store had come to life at night, and then Robert found out that he was really one of them.
Oh, wait...
Mike-El
18th February 2008 - 04:48 PM
QUOTE (Miss Edie+Feb 18 2008, 07:16 PM) This is at least the second time he's used the phrase "crimson tide." Pretty soon he's going to hear from a pissed off University of Alabama copyright lawyer if he keeps this up.
<a href='http://bitterbutbrilliant.rapidboards.com/index.php?showtopic=72&st=4600&rbp=79320&#entry79320' target='_blank'>It's the same story we were having fun with a few weeks ago.
Miss Edie
18th February 2008 - 04:54 PM
Sorry. I'm a little, ah, forgetful. I don't think I stole the idea.
Jeez.
Zombie Santa
18th February 2008 - 04:54 PM
| QUOTE | Re: What phobias do you have in real life?
by trentsketch 20 hours ago (Sun Feb 17 2008 06:17:49)
A ridiculous amount.
Snakes, spiders, the dark, climbing, falling, heights, elevators, failure, clowns, live fish, and simulated versions of any of these.
<br>RobertBlue fears failure. That's just so perfect. I can't even find the words.
Miss Edie
18th February 2008 - 05:01 PM
He needs to get a little healthy performance anxiety.
Larry Dallas
18th February 2008 - 05:04 PM
QUOTE (Zombie Santa+Feb 18 2008, 04:46 PM) | QUOTE | Re: What phobias do you have in real life?
by trentsketch 20 hours ago (Sun Feb 17 2008 06:17:49)
A ridiculous amount.
Snakes, spiders, the dark, climbing, falling, heights, elevators, failure, clowns, live fish, and simulated versions of any of these.
<br>RobertBlue fears failure. That's just so perfect. I can't even find the words. Yes, but remember, the following things do not count as failures:
1) Not making the cut at an audition when you were tired, dehydrated, emotionally unprepared, or if Jupiter was rising in Pisces. As long as you have some kind of excuse why you weren't at 100% peak condition, it's not a failure.
2) Posting lousy, ill-planned stories, essays, crafts, etc. As long as you didn't put much thought into it or edit it, it's not a failure -- you're just fooling around!
3) Having your work rejected by someone who obviously is biased against you. Since your work is self-evidently brilliant, the fact that someone says they don't like your work is conclusive evidence of bias against you.
By the way, I'm really disappointed that Robert didn't add "cyber-stalkers" to that list of things he fears; how else is he going to blame us for making him literally shake?
Mike-El
18th February 2008 - 05:29 PM
QUOTE (Miss Edie+Feb 18 2008, 07:46 PM) Sorry. I'm a little, ah, forgetful. I don't think I stole the idea.
Jeez. Oh no, Edie. I wasn't suggesting that at all. The "Crimson Tide" thing is a textbook "Great minds..." case. I was actually trying to imply that, sadly, it looks like the Robert well might be running dry. We're in reruns.
polenta
18th February 2008 - 05:37 PM
| QUOTE | By the way, I'm really disappointed that Robert didn't add "cyber-stalkers" to that list of things he fears; how else is he going to blame us for making him literally shake?
<br>Do you think all of those fears also make him unable to check his email account?
henry
19th February 2008 - 03:02 PM
ooooh anticipation !! RobertBlue teases.
| QUOTE | Tuesday, February 19, 2008
New Content Soon
I've been very sick recently. Sick enough to actually warrant a doctor's visit and excused absences from classes.
Then I had a giant Gary Snyder paper due, which turned out well.
Then I had a giant Appeasement paper due, which is a minor disaster to say the least.
So hopefully I'll have something new up tomorrow. Probably about Battle Royale/II: Requiem, as I finally got around to watching the sequel. Here's to the bank actually acknowledging that my grandmother's account does exist contrary to what they told her this morning. Hard to receive monthly annuity checks from a non-existent account, right?
<br>
Zombie Santa
19th February 2008 - 03:06 PM
I guess we can add "not receiving monthly annuity check from grandmother" to the list of real-life fears above.
henry
20th February 2008 - 08:26 PM
The Saga Continues: RobertBlue Is Wronged; Part XXXLVII QUOTE Technical Difficulties
And by technical difficulties, I mean that I'm being cheated out of my payments by a certain site again. I'd like to think it's not deliberate, but they've done worse to people for revealing the emperor has no clothes on. So now instead of writing something new, I need to fight for compensation on articles they don't own the rights to. Fantastic. <br> QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | Technical Difficulties
And by technical difficulties, I mean that I'm being cheated out of my payments by a certain site again. I'd like to think it's not deliberate, but they've done worse to people for revealing the emperor has no clothes on. So now instead of writing something new, I need to fight for compensation on articles they don't own the rights to. Fantastic.
<br>One Problem Solved
Helium followed up (with a gentle reminder as was requested by them in correspondence) with the correction to the incorrect placement of an awful review of The Eye remake that wound up ranked higher than my review of the original The Eye. Maybe people actually preferred his review. I'd buy the argument.
Except for how they shouldn't have been in the same category to begin with.
New link here. So now maybe what I consider to be my best film article will actually earn money again.
9th Wonder!
23rd February 2008 - 03:56 PM
I actually kind of miss Robert on TWoP, I would love to hear his thoughts on the current Idol season.
bugspoon4
23rd February 2008 - 05:07 PM
And we have more bad news (bolding is mine):
| QUOTE | Friday, February 22, 2008
Final Earnings Update
Apparently, Associated Content is once again changing all of their policies, though they are only being enforced on a selected basis. Policy changes effective February have been selectively applied to content producers, meaning some people receive a pay check for earning less than the required ammount while others above the required ammount (myself included) are denied money this month. That's nice. Take money from the writer's pockets. That's how you earn loyalty and repeat business.
Posted by Robert Gannon at 22.2.08 0 comments
<br>Don't professional writers proofread before they publish?
henry
24th February 2008 - 04:01 AM
From the Associated Content FAQs: QUOTE How much money can I make?
The amount of money you make at Associated Content is unlimited. All of the content you publish can earn you money via performance payments, which pays you $1.50 for every thousand page views your content receives. Robert wants his $1.50 dammit !!!
Miss Edie
24th February 2008 - 09:06 AM
How do you pronounce $0.0015 per view?
What Robert is whining about is the $1.50 minimum to be paid at all. The AC policy is that you have to have a minimum of 1,000 page views for $1.50 before they will bother to pay you.
He seems to think that certain "favorites" there are getting paid, even though they didn't meet the 1,000 view/$1.50 minimum, while he, long-suffering-more-talented Robert/Trent, actually exceeded the 1000 view/$1.50 minimum did not get paid!
He is being singled out once again for persecution. Maybe his evil Grampa called them and put them up to it.
GoodLuckWithThat
26th February 2008 - 07:29 AM
Oh RobertQUOTE Re: Do you get critized for liking/watching horror films?
by trentsketch  2 hours ago (Tue Feb 26 2008 04:24:56)
I mostly get it from professors. Basically, I shouldn't be wasting my time on such drivel because I'm so smart. I'm throwing away my potential and developing a negative reputation.
Though they all like to brag that they have a student who has been published. They just never mention that it's in Horror 101. He has got to be kidding, right? Is anyone really this delusional?
copssister
26th February 2008 - 08:19 AM
I immediately thought of RobertBlue last night when Flav announced this contest. Shut up, so I watch Flavor of Love (1, 2, & 3). It's slim pickings this season across the networks on Monday nights.
Miss Edie
26th February 2008 - 12:00 PM
| QUOTE | Shut up, so I watch Flavor of Love (1, 2, & 3).
<br>Although we berate you about it, we'll brag that we know you when you win the contest.
henry
27th February 2008 - 12:23 PM
R.I.P. Becky14624's Do Everything Well website QUOTE Page Not Found
The requested URL was not found on this server. Please visit the Blogger homepage or the Blogger Knowledge Base for further assistance.
La G
27th February 2008 - 12:58 PM
I would visit the Blogger homepage or Knowledge Base for further assistance but now I have no idea how to do that well and no-one to show me. I'm gutted.
Stripecat
27th February 2008 - 02:08 PM
I bet you could figure it out, but you sure as heck couldn't quickly do it fast. Not without Becky's help, you couldn't
Two Keg Peg
27th February 2008 - 06:18 PM
Aw, now I feel like a big jerk.
livemallsanita
28th February 2008 - 12:44 PM
A poem from RobertSketchBlueTrent for your reading enjoyment. His source material is an interesting choice.
| QUOTE | Thursday, February 28, 2008
A Sestina (run for your lives)
Not really though.
I make it a point not to post any work made for an academic environment online until the course in question is finished. However, when the professor assigns something and then says, "never mind," all bets are off.
Had to write a sestina for today. Professor told the class not to bother. So I post it here now.
I Feel Myself To Be*
I feel myself a poet today.
The words are used as paint;
typed pigments of varied shade
grace the page with a gentle stroke
to form new thoughts,
new ideas, new pictures.
But then I focus on pictures
and realize: I feel myself a photographer today.
The constant changing of thoughts
confuses the lens, blurs the mental paint
barring my finger from its proper stroke
against the shutter, casting the frame in shade.
I begin to think of the problems of shade.
The work will never be correct without pictures
intervention. With improper stroke,
I feel myself a conservator today.
I no longer use the paint,
I restore and correct others' thoughts.
The people will walk up with the thoughts
of preservation, and I will work in the shade
of a small shop to fix the paint,
restore its luster, make old art seem new pictures.
To display them, I feel myself a framer today.
With a hammer and saw and simple stroke
a new vessel is born. The stroke
joins corners in protecting established thoughts.
The customer can pick up their order today
or any day. These thoughts run free in sun or shade.
There isn’t a need to make the pictures
so I feel myself an exhibitor of paint.
They will flock to me with their paint
and pastel, brushed on with careful stroke.
I will display their work, their pictures
with care so they may share their thoughts.
The light will prevent any shade
from blocking their ideas today.
I look at the pictures and see the paint
and wonder today why even use the brush’s stroke
when the thoughts of a poet provide such varied shade.
---
*On the 8th cycle of America's Next Top Model, one contestant - Natasha - was a Russian immigrant who was prone to using Russian idioms directly translated into English. The most common was "I feel myself to be," meaning "I believe I am" or possibly just "I am". The phrase has stuck in my mind and occasionally pops up in my writing. This poem uses it many times.
Obviously worthy of the Pulitzer Prize, or a trash bin. There's no right or wrong answer in poetry.
<br>There's no right or wrong answer, my ass.
DodgerGirl
28th February 2008 - 01:02 PM
Oh, Robert. Jack of all trades, master of none.
Mike-El
28th February 2008 - 01:26 PM
| QUOTE | I look at the pictures and see the paint
and wonder today why even use the brush’s stroke
when the thoughts of a poet provide such varied shade.
Gently, then, until another day's inspiration
the paint lies in repose and furrowed contemplation
next to the water heater.
Kaboom.
fofanna1
28th February 2008 - 01:54 PM
| QUOTE | To display them, I feel myself a framer today.
With a hammer and saw and simple stroke
a new vessel is born. The stroke
joins corners in protecting established thoughts.
The customer can pick up their order today
or any day
Michael's would beg to disagree with you.
Mike H
28th February 2008 - 02:02 PM
What's with the "I feel myself" lyric? It reminds me of Natasha from ANTM and the oft-played "I feel myself American" quote. But Natasha had the whole "English isn't my native language" excuse to get out of that one.
jedzz
28th February 2008 - 02:24 PM
QUOTE (Mike H+Feb 28 2008, 01:54 PM) What's with the "I feel myself" lyric? It reminds me of Natasha from ANTM and the oft-played "I feel myself American" quote. But Natasha had the whole "English isn't my native language" excuse to get out of that one. He actually provides an explanation below his poem, not that I blame you for not making it that far. Me, I wonder why he couldn't have entertained us all even more by forgetting about Natasha and instead taking inspiration from Jade. And, it must be said — and I know this is going to be a low blow — but Jade proved herself to be a much better poet than Robert here.
skittlebrau
28th February 2008 - 02:29 PM
| QUOTE | Obviously worthy of the Pulitzer Prize, or a trash bin. There's no right or wrong answer in poetry.
<br>Yes, that's obviously why, when they teach poetry in English Lit, most teachers often use old receipts, commercial jingles, and the musings of That One Guy On the Streetcorner In Front of My Apartment to illustrate great poetry writing.
La G
28th February 2008 - 02:51 PM
QUOTE (jedzz+Feb 28 2008, 10:16 PM) He actually provides an explanation below his poem, not that I blame you for not making it that far.
But how can one truly appreciate the inspiration of the writer without a deep reading of the text. Only then can you hope to understand the non-existent inner meaning. For example, had Robert not kindly translated what the difficult phrase "I feel myself" meant, I might have mistaken it for an idiom for literary masturbation.
forwhatitsworth
28th February 2008 - 03:40 PM
QUOTE Gently, then, until another day's inspiration
the paint lies in repose and furrowed contemplation
next to the water heater.
Kaboom. Mike-El, now that's art! Even if it made me laugh.
Magpie
28th February 2008 - 04:24 PM
It's probably never a good idea to quote ANTM in your poems. (Although I might make an exception for Jade.)
HereComesTrouble
28th February 2008 - 05:28 PM
What the hell kind of college does he go to where a professor assigns something and then tells the students the day it's due not to bother? That would have a caused a riot at my school.
Two Keg Peg
28th February 2008 - 05:44 PM
| QUOTE | I feel myself a poet today.
The words are used as paint;
typed pigments of varied shade
grace the page with a gentle stroke
to form new thoughts,
new ideas, new pictures.
<br>I feel myself a poet today
he turns around and striketh me
skittlebrau
28th February 2008 - 06:02 PM
QUOTE (Two Keg Peg+Feb 28 2008, 08:36 PM) I feel myself a poet today
he turns around and striketh me That took me a second to figure out, but still: BWAH HA HA!
livemallsanita
1st March 2008 - 03:09 PM
Is Robert's the only blog on the Internet in which no one posts any comments? That's kind of sad.
henry
1st March 2008 - 03:51 PM
QUOTE (livemallsanita+Mar 1 2008, 06:01 PM) Is Robert's the only blog on the Internet in which no one posts any comments? That's kind of sad. Hah ! It's especially funny because in his posts he tries to imply that he has a huge following.
AllRightyThen
1st March 2008 - 05:50 PM
If I blogged, I would probably have no comments too. Who wants to hear about my life?
But RB does try to claim he has a fan base. I believe it's in Australia right'? I have yet to see it.
Dane
1st March 2008 - 10:36 PM
He's huge in Belgium.
GoodLuckWithThat
3rd March 2008 - 09:44 PM
Some self-awareness? | QUOTE |
Those midterm blues
Well, not really. I just didn't want to have another post titled something like "Dear God he wrote another poem. Run while you can. Save yourselves. Won't someone please think of the children?" and the like.
Another week, another mandatory poem for a class. This time she's actually collecting our villanelles. Perhaps I'll have to read it aloud to the class. So here comes another poem at you with tongue firmly planted in cheek. How else could I approach it when I find the message, "My brain esploded" in a textbook while studying for a midterm later today?
Brain Dead
Today my mind exploded.
No brain powers remain.
No material can enter uncoded.
The thoughts have simply eroded,
Neurons misfiring to complain
that today my mind exploded.
Thinking is now outmoded
and thought of as inane.
No material can enter uncoded
for the brain cannot be goaded
to extract, detail, or contain.
Today my mind exploded.
But the question becomes loaded
when the thoughts cannot retain:
no material can enter uncoded,
so what of files reloaded
in the hard drive of the brain?
Today my mind exploded
and no material can enter uncoded.
--
Again, it's supposed to be a joke, but I also have a pretty warped sense of humor. Still pretty good for such a strict rhyme form. Bonus points for the computer allusion (that's ruined by that final quatrain). Which actually balances out to not good at all. Oh well. Never said I was a poet.
<br>He's going to enter a horror story contest. He asked the contest owner if he could submit a story he's already written. It has to be 1000 words or less. Sounds like the apple story or do we know of any of his other 'horror' stories?
henry
4th March 2008 - 04:24 AM
You know what's funny is that RobertBlue stopped posting regularly once we started bringing his blog entries here. But once talk about him slowed down he's been in a frenzy adding entries every day. If he wants to say that he doesn't like people talking about him, I don't buy it.
Miss Edie
4th March 2008 - 04:38 AM
This is of a suspiciously higher quality than I'm used to reading from RT. Could this be an obscure song lyric he pinched? Bonus points for whomever finds it already published.
See, the last paragraph is much more like him. Overexplaining, while overpraising himself, and putting in a couple of hints about how he's misunderstood.
GoodLuckWithThat
4th March 2008 - 07:04 AM
He submitted the apple story as his entry. I'm disappointed. I hoped he would write something new. It makes sense that it's a bunch of imdb forum posters that wrote that book he's always bragging about. Now they're considering the big screen. QUOTE QUOTE (-> | QUOTE |
Re: Too bad we couldn't all congregate to make the ultimate horror film...
by trentsketch
People keep mentioning an anthology. I think that would be incredible. It would be like Horror 101, only different horror fans from around the world submitting shorts that fit a particular theme, editing the collection together, and setting up distribution.
A logistical nightmare, for sure, but it would be awesome if we could pull it together. And who doesn't love a good anthology film?
Whoever is in charge can take care of the connecting story (if we need one) and we can pool our resources together to write, design, perform, shoot, score, and edit the film.
If nothing else, film festivals would eat this *beep* up with a spoon and beg for more. QUOTE by Coffin_Jim
That sounds like an awesome idea, but it would be damn near impossible to organize something like that. QUOTE (-> | QUOTE | by Coffin_Jim
That sounds like an awesome idea, but it would be damn near impossible to organize something like that. |
by Zombie_CPA
Yes, a logistical nightmare. That is why I suggested the possibility of turning Coffin Jim's short essay contest into a book. We already have the know-how on this board to publish a book. |
|
Apple Picking Gone Wrong, coming soon to theaters near you.
fofanna1
4th March 2008 - 07:34 AM
| QUOTE | and we can pool our resources together to write, design, perform, shoot, score, and edit the film.
I would pay to see it just for that.
Miss Edie
4th March 2008 - 08:26 AM
QUOTE (fofanna1+Mar 4 2008, 10:26 AM) | QUOTE | and we can pool our resources together to write, design, perform, shoot, score, and edit the film.
I would pay to see it just for that. I would pay not to have to watch it.
fofanna1
4th March 2008 - 08:49 AM
Oh, come on, you know you'd love it.
GoodLuckWithThat
4th March 2008 - 09:02 AM
Some days I want to give him a hug and some days I want to smack him upside the head and shake him for how crazy he is. I'm trying to decide why I'm so transfixed by him. I think I'm waiting for his epiphany that he's not who he thinks he is and I keep hoping it's coming soon. Until then, he is my guilty pleasure. I admit it.
Is there a self-help group for me?
Mike-El
4th March 2008 - 09:11 AM
QUOTE (GoodLuckWithThat+Mar 4 2008, 10:54 AM) Is there a self-help group for me? You're soaking in it!
skittlebrau
4th March 2008 - 03:38 PM
| QUOTE | Again, it's supposed to be a joke, but I also have a pretty warped sense of humor.
<br>If "warped" means "unfunny," then I agree.
GoodLuckWithThat
4th March 2008 - 05:45 PM
Guess which movie is being remade that caused this reaction? RobertBlue is feeling: QUOTE
Dead.
Or pretty darn close to it.
This is a blow that will take a long time to recover.
I predict Renee Zelwigger will be tapped to squint her way through XXXXXX, and because he's in vogue now, Javier Bardem for XXXX. They'll try to get one of the Dames (Judi or Helen or Maggie), then settle for a Patricia Clarkson type (but not Patricia Clarkson) to play Minnie. Possibly Tom Wilkinson will play Rosemary's Baby, as he'll seemingly sign up for any potentially baity project.
Then a genre fave - an Angela Bettis or Anna Faris, possibly an Erin Brown type - will play the girl who XXXXXXXX, and the part will be reduced to "Hi, I'm your neighbor. Oops, out the window" because an actual genre actress will be cast in it.
The film will move to LA. XXXXX will be a rock star. And XXXXXX will be an insufferable bitch who we all want to lose in the end.
Watch it happen, people. Poor guy's having a rough day. I will be impressed if even one prediction comes true.
fernbeau
4th March 2008 - 06:13 PM
I'm a little confused. He's upset about a remake of Rosemary's Baby? Or will it be an update, following the demon baby into adulthood? Will there be flashbacks? Because Rene Zellweger will never be confused for Tom Wilkinson's mother, no matter how much she squinches up her face. Ditto for Javier Bardem in the John Cassevetes role, no matter what kind of hair they put on his head. Is this movie really happening? Who am I? Where is my walker? Get off my lawn!
Dane
4th March 2008 - 06:14 PM
I kind of agree with him, though. If only because nobody should ever be recast as Minnie Castevet. Now, if they could just pluck out Ruth Gordon's performance digitally and drop it into the remake, that would be fine.
Two Keg Peg
4th March 2008 - 06:15 PM
Or they could just leave Rosemary's Baby the hell alone in the first place.
fernbeau
4th March 2008 - 06:19 PM
It might be awesome if Javier Bardem had the small role as Rosemary's menacing OB/GYN, formerly known as Charles Grodin.
Seriously, what is he talking about? Is there a remake of the movie in the works?
livemallsanita
4th March 2008 - 07:24 PM
Oh, I hope there is a remake in the works, because that means that Robert will do anything and everything within his power to just fall short of auditioning, and then blame the universe (or grandpa) for not getting a role in the film, or a PA job or something. And of course the film will suck because he had no hand in it.
The rural juror
4th March 2008 - 07:25 PM
| QUOTE | Seriously, what is he talking about? Is there a remake of the movie in the works?
<br>Yup. Apparently they're running out of movies based on 80's toys. It can't be as bad as the upcoming "modern-day version" of The Breakfast Club directed by McG with whiny self obsessed 20-somethings instead of teenagers and an airport replacing the school as the setting.
Miss Edie
4th March 2008 - 07:31 PM
It seems to be an unconfirmed rumor that emanated from one site and has been repeated endlessly
on every movie blog on the internet. At the most, a division of Paramount called Platinum Dunes is "looking at it," as best I can tell. I don't know where Robert got his casting information. I think it's just idle speculation.
skittlebrau
4th March 2008 - 08:40 PM
The Breakfast Club remake is merely being produced by McG's production company, not directed by him. If this helps you sleep at night.
Robert's casting speculations are way off. You know they're going to try and get Jessica Alba or that chick from Juno for the role.
AllRightyThen
4th March 2008 - 09:08 PM
Oh someone is doing a remake of The Breakfast Club?
I am:
Dead.
Or pretty darn close to it.
This is a blow that will take a long time to recover.
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